I've mostly kept my promise from last month and am being much less insane.
I'm over the halfway point in this month's two week wait.
I admit to trying actively to avoid putting too much focus on any symptoms I'm having (part of this whole "less-insane" plan). This month is COMPLETELY different than last month.
Which in some ways makes me feel positive...
I'm feeling slightly superstitious and so I'm leaving the symptoms out for now... but I've got my fingers crossed.
written June 29, 2011
I was doing a pretty good job of staying "not insane". Or at least keeping up appearances.
Last night I posted a funny story on facebook. It went something like this:
Ross told me he had accidentally killed a baby grape. He showed me a tiny squished grape.
I pretended to be really upset by this and burst into tears (I'm a totally awesome fake cryer, y'all!) and lament the fate of the poor grape. I went on to demand a grape funeral, complete with a tiny casket. (Those dramatic improv skills are good for something!)
Ross looked at me bemused. Well 80% bemused and 20% terrified.
He admitted at that point that he wasn't entirely sure whether or not I was genuinely crying.
I then busted out my evil laugh and declared victory. I apparently like to declare victory- over what?- I'm not so sure. Over sanity?
Well that's only half the story folks. The other half of the story takes place 2 days prior.
Ross is always riding me for not telling him when I don't feel good. I hate complaining and it doesn't help that his general response is to tell me how much worse he feels than I do, which just irritates me. I swear- the man can top any ailment with something either form the current hits or his back catalogue! I've been about 100 times more whiney lately than I'm comfortable with. This is all very important background. Oh wait! One more bit. Remember when "Anonymous" accused me of being very whiney in the comments of a post? Well that's become a running joke 'round these parts. I know! A running joke! How shocking...
So anyway. We were getting ready to go do a little extra work at the warehouse and I was feeling a little yuck. Ross suggested that I didn't have to come help and I was welcome to stay home. I got a bit weirdly defensive and said, "What's the point. I was sooo bored yesterday. What would I do all day?" Ross instantly replied, "Well, you could whine." He was of course, implying that I could work on my blog. He was making a joke. I, however did not take it that way. I did my patented, withdrawal and silence of anger. Ross knew he'd said the wrong thing and that I was pissed. He explained what he meant and apologized for hitting a nerve. I was still irritated when we left. We got about 2 minutes down the street. Ross again, apologised and said many soothing words. (He's like the best husband ever.) I took the opportunity to freak the f out.
Seriously, I went from tight jaw of anger to this:
in about 10 seconds. We're talking shuddering gasps and sobs. Not sweet little deweyness of the eyes like last month. Nope- raging floods of tears. Ross was totally bewildered (and I'm sure more than a little freaked out) and pulled over the car into a side street. I spewed some nonsense while he rubbed my hand an said reassuring things. I remember wailing "I'm not even that upset about it!" It was like some crazy intense storm and had diffused into the pitiful staccato intakes of breath that happen when a child is wrapping up a tantrum within less than 90 seconds.
So that is why the grape-crying story was so funny. We were both poking fun at my insanity.
Did you read all that?
If so you get a reward. Guess what I did today in the Costa Coffee bathroom?
I took a pregnancy test.
And before I even finished washing my hands I saw this.
*Ok, so that has slightly less impact now, since you already know I'm pregnant... but when I wrote it, it was very VERY dramatic.