Very Eyebrow

You guys! I almost forgot to tell you my eyebrow story!
Are y'all ok?! Have you been on tenterhooks? (I spelled that right on the first try, by the way.) Forgive me.

I mentioned that Ross has great eyebrows. When he did stand up comedy, he prided himself on his ability to get laughs from a mere raising of the eyebrow. They're very expressive.

There is a group on Facebook that Ross belongs to. It basically exists to reminisce about a certain area of Manchester and what it used to be like. Ross family used to have a store in that part of town and his warehouse is still nearby. This group shares old pictures and can be a fun place to talk about the "good old days". Sadly, as is sometimes the case, reminiscing can turn to darker places. The "good old days" are rose-tinted and people begin to talk about how things were so much better once upon a time. Certain people- certain racial groups- are blamed for the downturn of the area.

When things start to get nasty in this way, Ross gets riled up. He's very cute when he's riled up. He splutters and fumes about people's ignorance and how ridiculous they are. It becomes a mini-personal mission to, if not reform the offenders, at least point out the folly of their ways. He doesn't engage in name-calling or directly point out their racism. He tends to use logic to point out their errors in thinking. He'll do things like point out that the very people accused of being responsible for the ruin of the area are some of the only ones willing to invest in it. 

One day, as he was working hard to broaden the hearts and minds of the people, a man took offence at his efforts. He started ranting about how "you can't say anything these days without PC do-gooders running wild". Ross continued his reasoned and logical rebuttal. The man then wrote that Ross must think he's better than other people because he's so "eyebrow". Yep, that's right. He accused my husband of being eyebrow. It was one heck of an insult. I guess, as the man simply wrote the word as he would have said it aloud... 'ighbrow. With a dropped "H". What would Henry Higgins say? Ross replied that he refused to apologize for having an education and the discussion moved on.

We, not surprisingly, have turned this into a bit- referring to things as "eyebrow" all the time now. An added bonus is that it seems to have finally helped Ross remember which is an eyelash and which is an eyebrow. Prior to this, he had a mental block and could never keep the two straight. So for entertainment value and educational value I'd like to thank this man.

Are you very eyebrow?

What's the funniest insult that's ever been hurled at you?

A proud moment

Long-time readers may remember that Ross likes to amuse himself in somewhat unorthodox methods. Well, the other day Ross had been having a bit of a rough time. Nothing major, just not a great day. We got home from being out and about and I went to change Linus' diaper. As I was doing so, the home phone rang and Ross answered it.

I heard Ross talking, but didn't hear exactly what he was saying. As I finished up, he wandered back. He looked at me, with a sly twinkle in his eye. I knew immediately what was up. He was talking to a telemarketer. It was a PPI Claims call. For those who don't know, there's big business in companies trying to help you claim "mis-sold payment protection insurance". Basically, if you had a loan or credit card you may have been sold PPI incorrectly and are now able to claim it back. Which means that companies call you trying to get you to file claims with them so they can take a portion of any money you are entitled to. It's very irritating. I heard "A loan? No... I'm here with Meg and Linus." (See what he did there? A loan. Alone. Heeheehee.) He mischievously waggled his eyebrows at me. He's got very comedic eyebrows*, my husband.

one of his last stand up gigs (he's currently indefinitely no hiatus)

He wandered away and shortly afterwards he let out a gleeful giggle and and came back to see me. He looked so amused and couldn't stop laughing. He explained that, after a few minutes of his shenanigans, the woman on the other end of the line had declared, "You know what, Ross? You're bull$h*t!" Now, he's gotten many a caller to hang up on him before, but he'd never achieved this kind of name calling before. He'd told her she was right and that he was in fact bull$h*t. Now, he proudly declares from time to time: "I'm bull$h*t!" It makes him happy every time. I don't know that any telemarketer interaction will ever live up to this one.

My name is Meg and my husband is bull$h*t.

Has anyone ever delivered an unexpectedly amusing insult to you?

*Oooh, ooh. I've got another great Ross story about eyebrows! I'll tell it to you later. 

Easily amused

So, I may have mentioned before that Linus is just about my favorite ever. He's so fun and his little personality is really starting to shine through. The other day I had the hiccups and Linus, though initially startled, Linus decided that it was the funniest thing ever.
I was forced to video it for posterity.
Now I'm sharing my son's adorableness with you.

(my mom told me the video didn't work the first time, so I fixed it!)

You're welcome.
Though my big brother has often derided me for being "easily amused", I've always considered the fact that I'm easily amused to be a huge asset. It means that life is usually a whole lot more fun for me than for those constantly suffering from ennui. I'm pleased that it seems I've already passed this trait on to Linus.

Are you easily amused too?
What silly traits do you hope to pass on to your children?

Cheerful Sunday

One song, three ways is very cheerful.

First up, the original.  It nearly reached over-play saturation, but I still dig it:

Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye feat. Kimbra

Next, the Glee-ified version.  With the hawtness of Darren Criss and Matt Bomer:

Somebody that Glee Used to Know

And finally, a version for all my nerds out there:  

The Star Wars That I Used to Know

Makes me giggle

Today, in honour of my Dad's birthday (Happy Birthday, old man!) I'm going to share with you a video.  I love making my dad laugh.  He's got a great sense of humour, but many people don't realize it because he's pretty quiet by nature.  He gets this twinkle in his eyes and usually leans back in his chair and tries to suppress his laugh by putting a hand over his mouth.  It's one of the great feelings known to man to achieve an actual, audible laugh from him.

I don't keep up with Saturday Night Live these days and there isn't really an equivalent here in the UK.  A friend of mine brought this little sketch to my attention.  We used to work together and had some experiences with younger employees in the office and their lack of world experience and this reminded her of those times.  I giggled a lot and I hope you do to.

In honour of my dad, I request that you lean back and put a hand across your mouth if you do feel a laugh escaping.

I'm a blogger!

A good laugh

Sometimes you just need a good laugh.
Today I did.

Then I came home and read this blog entry (warning: it has profanity), which was in my reader queue.
I laughed so hard I had tears welling up in my eyes.

I'd take Amalah over The Blogess any day.

Comedy Songs

The British seem to have a soft spot for comedy/novelty songs in an entirely different way than Americans.
Americans tend to reserve novelty songs for Christmas- how else can you explain "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"?

I'm always tickled when Ross exposes me to one of the many historical comedy songs that take up his valuable brain space.  Some are annoying.  Some are funny.  Some are charming.  Some are catchy.  The best are all of the above.

Below are a couple of my favourites:

Don't Sting Me!

Diddle-liddle-liddle-um

I hope they've given you a little chuckle and a smile.

What songs make you smile?

Word of the Week

gassywindy

Someone did an oopsie!

Definition:  a state of being in which a person (or animal) is uncomfortably full of noxious gasses that often escape through uncouth portals

Used in a sentence:  Oooh this broccoli is making me feel gassywindy. 

Cover Your Ears

\

Earmuffs

Before I got married, my Aunt Deb and Uncle Bob were in Dallas and we met up for dinner.  They're totally fun and I love seeing them.  When my Aunt was younger she spent some time living in different countries.  She was asking about Manchester as I'd recently been to visit for the first time.  

As the three of us drove to the restaurant my Aunt says, "Cover your ears, Bob" and then asks me if you can get tampons in Manchester.  I laughed and said that yes you can.  I thought this was hilarious on multiple levels.  The idea that tampons wouldn't be available in a large city in England was funny.   (Though I admit that after I said yes, I had brief second thoughts until I reassured myself.)  Obviously, my Aunt was thinking about the places that she spent time and how difficult it was to get feminine hygeine products way back when.   It was still funny.  

On the second and more awesome level- that she told my Uncle Bob to cover his ears before discussing the tampons.  So cute!  My Uncle is a father of two grown women who I'm sure has heard the word tampons multiple times.  I think this is ridiculous and adorable all at once.

So of course I told this story to Ross ASAP.  And that is how we came to give tampons our own special name.  Earlier today I told Ross I needed to stop at the drug store to get some "Cover Your Ears".

Do you have any special unique-to-you slang?

Do you have your husband cover his ears when you discuss lady garden stuff?

Couple time

Meg's note:  Don't worry.  The beginning of this post might sound like it's going to be about something a little R-rated, but it's not really.  So just keep reading, and don't think too hard about the first part if it freaks you out.  It's only included for context.  


For Ross' birthday last year, I bought an "adult" game.  I thought it might be fun.  It was sort of lame.  I think we've played it once.  The things on the cards swung from either really lame things we already do ("Tell your partner which mannerism he/she has that you think are cute.")  to  WAY more raunchy than I'm ok with.

So the game has cards with prompts of things to either talk about or do.  We were playing the game and rolling our eyes at some of the prompts (or baulking at the lewdness of some of them.  Yikes!)  Then, we came upon a card that has a continued impact on our marriage.

I just spent a good 30 minutes searching for this card, because I was going to take a picture of it and insert it here.  I read through every stupid card at least twice.  No dice.  But I swear it was real!  Maybe we lost it...

So now, in a very anticlimactic manner I will tell you (approximately) what the card said:

              Laughter is sexy!  Try to get a running joke going.

After reading this card, we burst out laughing.  Seriously?!  Does this game know who were are?  I mean, I guess not, since it is an inanimate object.  But still.  Ridiculous.

We lamented, "If only we'd thought to have a running joke before!"
"But how do you start a running joke?"
"If only we enjoyed laughing together or doing bits!"

So now, we have a running joke about running jokes.

Side story:  The other amusement this game has provided me involves my dad fixing our wardrobe doors when he was visiting last year.  It also involves the game in the bottom of the wardrobe and a clothing rod falling so that it was exposed.  It then involves my dad throwing something on top of it to cover it and pretending he didn't see it.  Awkward + funny = awesome.

I love my husband.

So I was entering a give away at texpatsabroad and asked for Ross' help.
The prize is a pretty groovy sounding book:  The Hip Girl's Guide to Homemaking which was written by a friend of hers.

Entering the prize required me to say what my "most brilliant domestic accomplishment" has been...
I had no idea what to say.  I do lots of domestic things.  Some of them you've read about here.  But brilliant- that's a tall order.  I needed something special.  I turned to my husband who was sitting in his usual spot, working away on the computer even though it was nearly midnight

 and asked him what he considers my most brilliant domestic accomplishment.

I should know better.   I really should.

He paused and got that mischievous look that I know and love so well.
"Well you don't really do that much..."  he says, ever so nonchalantly.

This was my face.

We are not amused.

We are also not looking so hot- yikes!

He's so proud of himself when he says things like that.  It makes him terribly adorable.  Not so much the fact that he says these things, but the fact that he's so amused by the fact that he's said something so untrue/mean.  He's like a little boy who's enjoying being naughty.  

Normally when he says something with the intention of getting my goat, he follows it immediately with "Give me a kiss" and a sheepish/mischievous smile.  Tonight after I gave him the above look, he said "What do you expect me to say when you ask things like that*... (continued look from me)...you redid the bathroom, you rearranged the lounge... etc."

I ended  up listing my accomplishment as the fact that I wrangled Ross' sock collection into one chest of drawers.  He's got a LOT of socks and it took some effort to corral them all... silly, cute, wonderful man.

UPDATE:  I won the drawing!  Huzzah!  I'm very excited to get the cookbook and try out some of the womanly arts it contains :)  Thanks, Texpats and HipGirl!

*When Ross and I first started dating, he displayed an astonishing talent for giving compliments that sounded like insults.  He'd say something that was meant to be sweet and complimentary, but to the uninitiated it might sound horrible and insulting.  Often times, he'd realize how it was sounding as he talked and would try to find a way to bring it around and "save it".  When he does salvage the compliment, he always congratulates himself.  When he doesn't... well that, ladies and gentlemen, is known as a "Ross Special".  

Oopsie!

So today when Ross and I were walking through Manchester Town Centre we were engaging in one of our favourite pass-times.

Making fun of what people are wearing.  I know.  It sounds mean.  It's only a little.  At least that's what I tell myself... Anyway.  Most frequently, Ross or I will see someone wearing something of questionable taste and utter the simple phrase "Tell her no."  More often than not, the other person will actually say "No" when we pass the person in question.  No one's ever actually noticed.  It's fun and immature.  Don't judge me.

Back to today.  We were walking down the street and past a couple of women about my age.  I was distracted by one of the women's blindingly white orthopaedic-looking wedges that didn't go with her tan suit at all.  As we passed these women, I half heard Ross say "I don't know what kind of skirt that was."  I looked behind us to see what he was talking about and saw that the white-shoe'd lady's friend had a butt-cheek completely on display.  Yep.  Her skirt was accidentally tucked into her pantyhose.

So em"bare-ass"ing! Heh heh heh! 

I mostly noticed because a kindly man had stopped her and point out her wardrobe malfunction.  I didn't hear exactly what he said.  Something to the effect of "Excuse me, miss.  Your skirt is caught up".  But I did hear her response.  An embarrassed, "Oh, I'm sorry!"  Hilarious!  

Ross and I looked at each other and he said.  "Well I didn't know her skirt wasn't supposed to be like that!"

I once experienced the tucked-in dress myself.  At a friend's wedding.  A lovely gay man caught me before I got too far out of the restrooms.  I don't think I apologized to him.  I probably thanked him. :)

Have you ever had a case of the tuck-ins?

Do you make fun of what people are wearing?

What is the correct response when someone tells you that you're exposing yourself?  

How Ross Amuses Himself

Most people do not enjoy talking to telemarketers.  They avoid the calls, hang up once they realize it's a telemarketing call, or even join the no-call registry.

How most people feel.

Not Ross who says,  "What would be the fun in that?"  (Literally. He said that.)

Today, my husband answered the phone and I quickly noticed that gleam in his eye that meant one thing.  A telemarketer was on the line.  It took me months to get used to it.  Here's what I heard of the conversation:

Ross:  Who is it?

<pause>

Oh, is it?  

<pause>

No.  We don't use gas or electricity.

<pause>

No. We're water powered.

<pause>

No.  I said we don't use a gas or electricity provider.  We've got a chap in the back on a bicycle.

<pause>

No, not Scottish Power. 

<pause>

Alright, thanks.  Yep.  Bye-bye.

So the goal of the exercise is to: a) see how long you can keep them on the line and b) get THEM to hang up.  It's amazing how hard part B is.  Seriously.

Once someone called to sell us new windows in our rental flat.  Ross kept them on the line for ages.  They asked how many windows we had and he said "Let me go count".  He then left the phone of the hook for a bit, checking in intermittently and saying "Just another minute".  Finally, he came back to the phone and said, "What was the question, again?"

It makes him gleeful!  He loves it and hates it all at once.  It's fun to watch.  

Does anyone else out there like to torment telemarketers?  If so, what do you like to do to them?

How about anyone else's husband taking pleasure in a bizarre game of his own devising?

Best Vending Machine Ever!

So one of the differences between life in America and in England has to do with road trips.
I'd go so far as to say that the biggest difference isn't driving on the other side of the road- not that I've mastered that yet...

So in America, when you drive a long distance and need to stop for a potty break or a bite to eat you just exit somewhere that has a fast food place or if you're feeling fancy an Applebee's or Golden Corral.  Rest stops are really only for truckers and scary people.

In England, it just doesn't work that way.  The only option for stopping are The Services.  The motorways just aren't lined with things like in the States.  Everyone uses The Services.

                                                             Watford Gap Services

A typical Services has:

•  loads of restrooms
•  a Starbucks or Costa Coffee
• a couple of crappy hot food providers
• a shop that is kind of like a airport news stand (magazines, drinks, snacks, candy, other random crap)
• a gambling area with slot machines
• a crappy cell phone accessories shop

On the same grounds, though not contained in the same building is also a petrolgas station.  Some Services even have crappy, but serviceable (har, har- accidental wordplay!) hotels.

On a recent trip to London, Ross and I stopped at the Services for a potty break.  Upon entering the bathroom, I beheld the most hilarious thing I've seen in a long time.  I present to you:

                                                                  Personal photos

I guess sometimes when you're on the road, you realize that your hair just isn't as straight as it should be and you've got to do something about it. STAT!  The ghd straightener is the equivalent of a Chi.  So if you need on-the-go high end styling when you're on the road in England- never fear!  The Services have it all...