Thursday, 5 January 2012

Making a fuss

Lately I've been feeling a little blue about the lack of fuss that my pregnancy has, and will, receive.  Don't get me wrong.  Ross makes me feel loved all the time.  My parents and other relatives are very excited about this baby.  There are friends of mine on Facebook that "like" every pregnancy-related status update or picture I post.  I know people care.  And I appreciate that.  I REALLY do.  I guess what I really mean is (and I fully accept that this is bratty)... I won't have a baby shower.  And that bums me out.

I know some people don't like when a fuss is made over them, but I maintain that- at certain times- everyone needs a good fuss makin'.  I think when people make a fuss over you, it reminds you how loved you are.  I talked about all the love that was shown to me (and Ross) by our friends in the lead up to our wedding and on the big day itself.  That love is one of the best feelings in the world.  It's a different feeling than the love that is on constant tap from your friends and family, even your husband.  It's a special outpouring of love.  Just for you.  For a special purpose.  To celebrate your birthday.  To celebrate your wedding.  To celebrate your pregnancy.

To minimize my brattiness, it's really not about the presents.  I mean they are really nice.  And I sure hope we get some.  Because, man, babies need a lot of stuff.  Stuff that's expensive.  (Ok, so it's partly about the presents...)  It's mostly about that fuss.  The people caring enough to throw you a party.  To send out invitations and make yummy food and ooh & aah as I unwrap tiny, adorable outfits and baby gear.  I'm sure I'd be having at least 2 showers if we were in the US- one from the ladies at church and one from my girl friends and probably even a 3rd from my office.  But we're not.  So I'm throwing a tiny pity party and then getting over it.

An interesting cultural difference between the UK and the US is that they don't do baby registries and the idea of baby showers is only just starting to be known here in England.  So, even if I had made lots of friends or if Ross' female relatives were still alive, I still wouldn't be having a shower.  Apparently it's similar for wedding showers.  And they call is a "Wedding List" rather than a registry.

I guess it makes sense as a cultural difference.  My American is showing with this desire for a fuss.  It's not really a British ideal, is it?  In the land of "Keep Calm and Carry On", it seems appropriate that they wouldn't focus on shouting "Hooray!" for things like we vulgar Yanks do.  The other day, we spoke to an older woman who is a cousin (of some sort, by marriage) of Ross'.  She said that they'd love to come "view" the baby after he arrives.  I think that's the extent of the fuss I'm getting.

Do you like to have a fuss made over you?
Did anyone else miss out on a fuss because you were far away from friends and family?
If so, how did you deal?


  1. Halloween and baby showers, taking the UK by storm.

    I don't know if it's a secretly superstitious nature or what, but I wasn't comfortable with the idea with even Trajan. I'd given in and oked a fun, light-hearted tie-dye baby shower for Aurelia and Chiron, but it didn't happen between her death and my being in the hospital on the date it was supposed to.

  2. The idea of "viewing" the baby is hilarious to me. As if he is not a human being but rather some scenic vista.

  3. no one gives a crap about your baby.

  4. Hi! Rubies here from Hellobee! I just wanted to send you some encouragement - I can imagine how lonely and trying it can be to be living away from close friends and family. :(

  5. Yeah, Meg...didn't you know no one gives a crap about your baby...that's why we all read your blog which contains LOTS of information about said baby! Anyway, an alternative might be to have a shower after the little bundle of joy makes his debut on a trip back. Darren and I had talked about this for when we eventually have a baby. I was bummed because we won't know the sex and how are people supposed to give you the sickeningly cute outfits if they don't know the sex. His solution was, have the shower after the baby comes. I don't see any reason you shouldn't do the same. I know it's not quite the same, but it would still give people you know a chance to pamper you and an added bonus would be getting to see jr. in person!

  6. Thanks esbee, Rubies, and Michelle!

    Esbee, We still haven't decided on a name. Perhaps "Scenic Vista" can be in the running :)

    Michelle, I could totally see having a "Sip and See" type party next time we get to Dallas. Hopefully we get to make a trip there before too long. Our first priority will be to take him to San Antonio to meet his great-grandparents and the other new babies on that side of the fam, but maybe we'll be able to swing up north too :)

  7. I understand why you conclude your opinions on the UK the way that you do, and please don't take this the wrong way. But if you were to make more friends here, i mean actually meet people that you click with, then your opinions would take a more natural and progressive approach. It just feels like you're reading headlines, watching news reports, overhearing conversations, looking at advertising slogans and with each bit you absorb, you're thinking "oh, so this is what England is all about".
    If I were to move to America I wouldn't look to Uncle Sam for inspiration, I wouldn't take the excessive cheering and jovial outlook to be every Americans idea of a good time, I wouldn't read about all the murders, drug addicts and alcoholics and assume this was referencing the majority. I'd meet the people, the REAL people, and build my world around that. It's the company you keep that make your world a better place, once you've got good company, you'll have plenty of fuss!

  8. I'm the polar opposite, I don't like being the center of attention, but I know what you mean and it's totally understandable! maybe you can have a belated baby shower when you are able to make it back to Texas? Dont be too hard on yourself, you aren't being bratty, you are pregnant and hormonal! it's ok!! :)

  9. Who are these anonomi? Boo.

    We'll make a fuss over you here! :)

  10. I think the last anonymous has a really good point. Will be interesting to see how your view changes as you likely will get more interwoven in the community post baby...

  11. I totally agree. I enjoy having a fuss made over me for those big, happy events too. I'm sorry you have to miss out!